Do you know this strange "calm before the storm" feeling?
If something huge is about to happen and you can't feel a thing?
Like there was a bomb inside your stomach which is about to explode soon and still you feel so numb?

It's the countdown to insanity.
Well, "countdown" sounds strange.
September 30th is the 1st anniversary of my friend's death.
2 days.
48 hours.
I cant sleep. Cant feel. Cant cry.
Just numb.

I'll go the graveyard with him and his family.
It's so awkward. She was his sister and now I'm dating him.
Replaced?
No.
Trying to be closer to you.
Wishing you'd come back.
We talked for hours. And this evening, I thought everything was ok again. It wasn't.

I want my fuckin life back. I want to hang out with my friends from 5th grade again.
I want to look forward to September again because it has always been one of my favorite months.
I want to party with you all night. I want to go to concerts with you.
Why'd you have to die at such a young age?!
We had the whole world in our hands, we wanted the teenage years to be the best of our lives. They turned out as the worst.

I have a headache so I'm going to stop writing here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

...A cut so deep I don't deserve
Well you were always invincible in my eyes
And the only thing against us now is time

Could it be any harder to say goodbye
live without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day...

I lie down and blind myself with laughter
Well A quick fix of hope is what I'm needin'
And how I wish that I could turn back the hours
But I know I just don't have the power...

Well I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if it's your last, but I know it's your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone.

Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever baby
I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands.
It couldn't be any harder..